It’s Not You. It’s Me.

In case you’re worried about me and/or the state of FtR, I figured I better tell you a few things:

1. I’m alive and well.

2. I’ve been doing stuff, namely writing and reading.

I know, I know. It seems like I’ve been doing the opposite, and I guess, in a way, I have been. I haven’t been blogging. I’ve barely been Twittering. And, though I’ve made a few quick runs across the Internet, I’ve been letting my feeds pile up till they reach the triple digits and the only sensible thing to do is hit “Mark All Read.”

But I have been writing and reading. I’ve actually been behaving like a writer — writing, sharing, critiquing, reading other good writing, revising, talking to myself, staying up late, and other assorted stereotypes you surely already know. And I’m probably going to be doing it for a while.

That’s not to say FtR is dead or that I don’t have anything to blog about. . .

One of the things I read is The Mysterious Benedict Society, which Lex recommended — I’d link to where he wrote about it, but in case you haven’t noticed, that’s not an option — and it’s incredible. Caelyn’s been doing some funny stuff like whispering, “Gosh,” and some scary/gross stuff like choking at Tin Star and semi-puking on me. If Chris was writing this, he’d add an extra backslash and “hilarious” because he gets a big kick out of my involuntary responses to things like throwing and/or hocking-up. Chris has been doing some amusing stuff too, like deciding we should bake pumpkin bread, checking the cabinet over the stove for ingredients while I was in the shower, and then clearing out the whole thing in utter disbelief of his wife’s ability to make such a mess, much less create culinary masterpieces in it. I’ve been watching some awesome tween television, although not as much with all the writing and reading. The Office premiered, too, and I’ve been listening to some good music. Chris and I don’t have any more weight to lose, so we’ve been checking out local burger joints. I’ve almost decided my tooth hurts bad enough to go to the dentist and that I can’t take the noise in my ear anymore — it’s only been 3 years. Oh, yeah, and we watched my father-in-law go up in a hot air balloon. You can see all about it on Flickr.)

. . . But, you know, I started this blog to try to get back into my own voice.

I feel like I’ve told you this before, but I can’t remember. Before Caelyn came along, I was an editor/writer for a ministry in North Dallas. Essentially, that involved helping other people develop their distinct voices (which is something I really like doing) and writing gobs of stuff in a voice that’s the total opposite of mine (which is something I don’t like doing) and then letting someone else put their name on it (which isn’t a complaint; I wouldn’t want my name on it.). I did some more formal ghostwriting and stuff too, even though my artistic sensibilities consider that a betrayal. Anyway, writing like someone else 8+ hours a day, 5+ days a week can wreak havoc on your own voice. I probably should’ve been writing my own stuff that whole time, but what can I say? I was pregnant.

But the point is, I think I’m starting to get it back (or at least I’m working on it in a more formal way). FtR has helped me with that, but it’s also kind of caused me to develop My Voice, Blogging Division. That’s a division that I want to call on sometimes, particularly when I work on reviews or humorous stuff. But, although I have a lot of fun doing those, they’re just not the majority of what I write.

Of course, I know FtR has developed other purposes, important ones that I’m pretty fond of, so I’m not saying it’s over. But I am saying that I’ll be focusing my energy somewhere else for a while. (Before you suggest it, I’m not posting poems/short stories/whatever on here, no matter how nice you promise to be. The biggest reasons are personal, but there are some professional ones too.)

So. There you go. Just because we’re on a break doesn’t mean we can’t still be friends.